Seeking God Knows What

Constantly waivering on this…

We’ve lived in this house nearly two years (which if you ask my friends and family is almost a record!).

Right now the taxes and the utilities are helping to sink us along with the increased method of formulating minimum payments on our credit cards which we used to financed Widget’s adoption fees and an insane interest increase after our bank one card was transferred to chase manhattan (it has gone up double and then some). We make ends meet…barely and I think one day all of this will catch up to us. Our credit scores have plummeted since I checked them last year for our free reports and this year’s reports. We used to have really good credit about 3 years ago.

So we (well, really just me)toy with the idea of selling this house and renting or an apartment to reduce our housing overhead. We don’t have enough equity in the house to balance out our credit card debt, so we can’t consolidate without going above the equity and that just scares me.

At this point, I don’t have additional child care to watch Widget so I could work more. Plus in the job I am in, I think I would go absolutely INSANE working any additional hours (what was supposed to be an 8-12 week temp thing is now a “permanent” part-time deal) because I am so bored and isolated. I looked into full-time child care and I would have find a job that paid about $10,000 more than what I made the last time I worked full-time to make it worth my while to work full-time and pay for child care, lunches, work clothing and my “sanity”. At this point, my current pay is less per hour than I was making and type of work would not entitle me to that. I would be lucky to even get what I was paid before. Besides, I cannot figure out what kind of work I would like to do, let alone even think about working full-time at it. I love being mommy to Widget and I really want to stay home all the time with her.

But then again, I like my house (not so fond of the 3 to 4 times a week I’m driving back to Holland for either work or to hang out with family) and I hate the thought of packing and moving again.

I’m sooo indecisive about this…