Visits
May 30, 2006Saturday L (Widget’s firstmom) came over for a visit with her stepsister, S and her stepmom, R. Her dad was home with a sinus infection so he was unable to come. We haven’t seen them since January, so it was nice to have them here.
Widget was very silly and was showing off for them, bringing them books, being wild with her blocks. Goofy kid. They loved it though.
It always amazes me how easily she takes to them despite only seeing them a few times a year. She is generally very comfortable with people. We have never had serious separation anxiety with her. Usually if she is upset when we leave, it is because she wants to go to. But the connection with them is different. I can’t describe it.
The visits leave me feeling overwhelmed by so many different things. The physical resemblance. The things she already likes that L likes. Their love for her. My wondering as to why, really why, L felt she wanted to place vs. parent. Her sisters are all single parenting their daughters they had around L’s age and S is pregnant with her first and planning to parent, why didn’t she? If she regrets it. Whether they are all being denied what is “rightfully” theirs by us raising Widget. Wishing it were “easier” to get to know L- she is so quiet, it sometimes feels like I’m trying to drag conversation from her. Plus I never know what to say- there is an age gap, a background/lifestyle gap.
But I will never stop visits because of my insecurities.
But I will never stop visits because of my insecurities.
Ah, bless you. As a firstmom, I have my insecurities, too. We all do. It’s just recognizing them as such and not letting them rule our CHILD’s life. Ya know?
But the connection with them is different. I can’t describe it.
J&D notice this with Me and the Munchkin. As do I. Jeff’s response was, “She’s always known you.” Makes me weep. But I love it all the same. Even during her “weird with strangers phase” … she wasn’t weird with me.
Anyway, glad you had a good visit!!!!
It’s nice to hear another mom voice the same insecurities that I feel from time to time. And the ongoing guilt that I feel for being the one “allowed” to parent Snuggle Bug, that’s hard too.
I have the same questions… But don’t get to visit with my son’s first parents. Maybe someday…
It is so good you have that relationship. It is worth all the work, questions, discomfort… whatever it takes. It will bless you all, and Widget the most for the rest of her life.