Lonely
May 31, 2006I have been feeling lonely lately. Partially because T has been really busy with work and several nights is not home until either Widget is in bed or just about to go to bed. Partially because I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m at odds with the friends we primarily hang around with due to some things that happened in our history. I’m beginning to feel like perhaps it is really time to move away from them (they have been our friends since high school) and that it isn’t the healthiest of relationships for me to be in, or even T and I to be in together. So I’m left with nada but my sister who lives nearby and my mom to hang out with (besides T, of course). Woo hoo. Not that I don’t love them but you know you sometimes need people outside your family.
Sources for friends?
Work- not much option there. I’m hardly ever there and I just don’t connect with the people there very well. They are nice but well, we are not “cut from the same cloth”.
Church- we’ve made a few acquaintances at our new church through our Alpha group but now that the regular Sunday meetings are over, it has petered out. I suppose I could try and get in touch with the couple who have a daughter 5 months younger than Widget but I don’t want to force ourselves on them, know what I mean?
Neighbors- All are older except the couple next door and well, I don’t really approve of their treatment of each other. Fights outside consisting of f*** this, f*** that, deliberately revving his motorcycle early in the morning to piss her off (right outside our bedroom windows). Makes my neighborhood sound great, eh?
Part of my problem is that 99% of the time when I don’t hear from people, I think I’ve done something to upset them or they don’t want to be bothered spending time with me or that it is their sign to “leave me/us alone”. So I don’t persist because I don’t want to be that annoying person who wants to be your friend but you can’t stand to be around them type.
So I spend my time being “friends” with people on the internet
I seriously doubt you’re a loser in the friend department. Sounds like you may be a bit shy.
Call the couple with the 5 month old daughter. I seriously doubt you’d be forcing yourself on them! They’d probably be happy to have a play date for their daughter, I know I always love those for Snuggle Bug. If they’re too busy, they’ll let you know, but try it.
Have you checked out any parenting groups? How about the local library. Often times they have baby story time groups there that Widget (and you) might enjoy. It’s a great way to connect with other parents of small children. How about checking with your Parks & Recreation for activities geared towards small children (we attend a group called Movers & Shakers, which is a tumble gym class for babies and toddlers).
I’m one of those disgustingly outgoing types. I’m the one arranging play dates, baby groups, parties with friends. I love that kind of stuff.
My husband is the opposite. He’s more of an introvert. Since he’s a work-from-home dad, he’s had to force himself to get out and find ways to interact with other families, so that Snuggle Bug could gain some social skills. It’s helped my husband come out of his shell and form friends independent from me.
I agree with Overwhelmed… sometimes you have to force yourself to work at it.
I always think the same thing… I don’t want to force myself on anyone. Most of the time I think, really, everyone else is thinking the same thing. Except those outgoing types, of course!
Overwhelmed- Thanks for the suggestions
It would probably do me some good to go some sort of “mommy & baby/toddler” group. I’m not super fond of going into a group without knowing anyone but I could probably suck up my anxieties and do it!
Cloudscome- You are probably right. Most people probably do think the same way.
I’m totally the same way. I can’t do it. Especially since moving out here with Josh, my only “friends” are from work and they aren’t very close. Sigh.
Hey, I’m on the internet but I also live in the same city as you! I don’t know if you ever read my blog, but I lurk around on yours. Tell me if you think we would enjoy being friends IRL.
Sheesh, I feel like I’m back in 4th grade, writing notes: “I like U. Do U like me?”