Change
June 7, 2006Change is good, right?
I took a huge step this week and have “broken up” with the couple we spent the most time with. I’m no longer watching her daughter, she is no longer watching mine. The two of them and I have known each other since junior high and then we became part of an overlapping circles of friends my junior year of high school. In fact, she dated T before I did, while she was on a “break” from her future husband. After T broke up with her and started dating me, she tried to get him back.
That is the first indication the relationship was perhaps not the healthiest. I have wondered over the years, based on her behavior, that perhaps she was friends with me to be closer to T. Not that she doesn’t love her husband, but I used to think that if something were to happen to me or if T and I ever split up (which is never going to happen), she would drop him in an instant to try and be with T. There have been times I have felt guilty for him choosing me over her, way back in high school. Even now.
And there have been lots of other complications not even worth going into on here. The sort that after they happen, you begin to think how are we still friends. I’ll admit I made the biggest effort to stay friends with her over the years, and now I realize that maybe I should have said, “NO MORE” long, long ago.
My recent depression bout (that I am climbing out of thanks to Lexapro) made me look at that relationship closely and many of the things I thought I had dealt with because I felt better, I had just shoved aside in an effort to be friends. And it was like I had a moment of “enlightenment” when I realized that being around them all the time was not good for me as I kept pushing away the anger, sadness, frustration, guilt I had with the situation because I didn’t want to not have people to hang out with anymore.
So I finally told them goodbye, it is time for this part of our lives to be over and for us to move on to new friendships. I think T believes it is a good idea too. We will still see them on occasion since we have two or three things we do during the year with the group of friends we are all a part of. I suspect down the road we will probably move away from the group too but this feels like a step in the right direction.
Now to find those new friends…
You know, I’ve had a conversation with my younger sister about this. She was struggling along with an unhealthy, rather one-sided friendship that was really bringing her down.
I convinced her that she’d be better off separating herself from that friendship and divert those energies to people that can love her like she deserves to be loved and can give as much as they receive.
It’s not easy to make that break though, I know. Good for you for having the strength to do it.
Too bad we don’t live in the same city. I’d be your friend and our kids could play together.
I “broke up” with a similarly unhealthy friend a few years back. And while it hurt for awhile, I was so glad to be rid of the negativity. Now and again, I miss her. She could make me laugh. We have great memories. But still, I’m so much better off now.
You’re in my thoughts.
I’ve been going through the same with several friends. Sometimes it is like we still call each other “friends” and have the obligatory night out here and there just because we’ve know each other for 12 years. We no longer have anything in common.
It is sad when people go out of our life. But, sometimes necessary and even a good thing.
By the way, I hear you on the Lexapro. Made me feel like a million bucks but my hubby wasn’t loving it so much.