Seeking God Knows What

I finished the book #5 gave me to read. Now I know to get the most out of it, I should have read it more slowly, done the writing exercises, etc (I attempted the life script four times in my journal. Yeah, um, mental block. What I wrote here is about all I could handle). But the truth is I found it kind of hokey, a little too peppy, a little bit too much “You can do it”. It is a very Christian book, so if you haven’t accepted Christ and God, you might want to throw it across the room. And he focused a lot on what to do if you have built up anger or resentment or came from abusive background or were abusive yourself.

He had some valid points about needing to evaluate your past to see how it might be keeping you in a state of emotional exhaustion and then to “exorcise” those things to help you heal. I am definitely aware of that now.

One other thing that stood out came from his chapter on self-care:

Develop three relationships of significance: I know it is important that we have close relationships with people. We are a communal people. God designed us to need each other. I also know I’m pretty well lacking here when I exclude my family and my husband. What I find surprising is that he suggests one relationship be with someone older you can learn from, one with a peer, one with someone younger you can mentor. I’m not even sure where to start with this one, mostly because it goes along with my self-esteem issues that no one wants to be friends with me.

Except, of course, the one friend I decided it was better not to see. Sigh. I got an e-mail from her yesterday wondering if we could get together and try again. Somewhat my fault as I sent the first e-mail about a month ago, saying maybe I was wrong about not seeing them. Then, after that discussion which ended with a “maybe we could get together” on her part, nothing until last week Friday, when she e-mailed to ask me about the person at Sears Photo we like. And then the ones yesterday- it wasn’t until the third response from her that she said she wanted to get together. Part of me says “Yes, let’s since you don’t have any other friends” Part of me says “You are a complete idiot to even think about it.” (See self-esteem). I’m still not sure what to do. I’m waiting to see if I get a response to my e-mail where I try to explain why I’m so mixed up about it and that I have to make sure it is an emotionally healthy decision to be friends with her, not just for me but also for my relationship with T. I doubt she’ll understand that. Talk about someone who could stand some therapy. Heh heh. I suppose that’s a bit funny coming from my formerly anti-therapy self.