Seeking God Knows What

My parents are back from retrieving AM from M’s place in TN. I haven’t talked to them yet but I suspect there was a lot of discussion during the 9 hour trip home about AM’s life after this.

My brother and his fiancee broke up on Tuesday. He didn’t tell anyone until last night because of the hullabaloo around AM. I’m sad for him as she’s the one who decided to end it and for the fact that he has been all alone with this while the world centered around AM. This kind of stuff brings out my “protective older sister” self. Sigh. I suppose it is better that they make this decision now rather than figuring out it won’t work after they were married.

I’m contemplating shifting from walking to running. I don’t know that I’ll like that any better but heck, it’s worth a try. My dad has been running since he was a little older than I am, maybe it will have rubbed off on me.

I’m waiting on joining our church after discussing it with #5. He suggested it might make it harder for T to follow if I’ve already done it. And really I don’t know that there is a lot that we can’t do if we aren’t members although it might stop the “Come back as an active member” letters we get from our previous church. They should know by now that we aren’t coming back, even if we haven’t officially transferred our membership.

I bought the book #5 wanted me to get and started reading it. I’m not sure what I think yet. It is geared towards those who want to do this without using counseling and there are several “journaling” things the author suggests you do to really get at your hidden thoughts. I have started a couple of them but then I keep thinking I can’t go there/I don’t want to think about this, so I quit. I don’t think I would make much progress on this sans the sessions with #5.

I’m still finding myself having a lot of mood changes. There are moments when I think I’m emotionally worse than I was before I began taking the Wellbutrin. I was kind of hoping that since it has been three weeks, I would have started to level off. Plus I’ve had several days with nasty headaches so by the time T gets home, I abandon him with Widget because I can barely function and I end up in bed at 7 PM for the night. He was off this past Friday because he had to do an upgrade deal today. He was asked to do a third Sunday of upgrades and no one else was, so he actually got comp time for it- a miracle- of course, he kept answering his phone (he only really gets work calls on it plus it has caller id, so he would know if it wasn’t work) and I wanted to throw it away. Anyway, he probably wished he had gone to work because I was in a very off mood in the morning, then got one of the *lovely* headaches and spent most of the day in bed- I even walked in hopes that it would provide a “boost” but to no avail. You’d think I might have “learned my lesson” after the last attempt at this 3 months ago but oh no, I had to try again as I didn’t give it a long enough try then. I’m not giving up yet though because it hasn’t even been a month but, truthfully, if it doesn’t start to improve here in the next couple of weeks, I might have to as this is not proving to be very beneficial. And I’m not paying (with our lack of prescription insurance) for a drug that really doesn’t work for me.