Random bits « Seeking God Knows What

Random bits

November 26, 2006

Tomorrow I see Psychiatrist Guy for a med check. I can’t decide if I want to talk about going off Zoloft and trying something else or just keep on keeping on. I’ve just been so tired and sort of “foggy” for the last six weeks since we upped the dose.

I got into an argument with MK (well, we sniped at each other) at my parents over the fact that I said a mutual friend between M and myself who just adopted a baby from Guatemala might feel more of a connection with me at the moment since we have both been through infertility and adoption process, even though she was initially M’s friend. M is upset that J didn’t get in touch with her but did reply to an e-mail I sent her and apparently told MK so and that I hurt her by saying that as if they couldn’t understand since they didn’t adopt. After MK left, I ended up crying over it while talking about it with my mom.

T finally applied for another job with one of the public school systems in the area, the same one we went to and where his mom taught for 30 years. I really hope he gets an interview as they have two positions open in the IT area. One he thinks might not be enough money, the other might be a little more senior than he has background for, but at least he took the step to send his resume in. His boss is really ticking both of us off over his inability to confirm whether T has the time he requested off until the last minute, even when T asks well in advance. Plus he has denied T time twice this year for no real good reason. Supposedly their vacation is use it or lose it, but T said that if he doesn’t get the days off at the end of this upcoming week to go with my parents to TN to see K, he is going to push to get compensated for not being allowed to use it. Yes, I know we were just in TN but my parents were going down, offered to drive their van, and we really want to see K since it has been over a year, so we took them up on the offer. I may regret it later but right now I’m looking forward to it.

I have made no decision about whether I want to switch to full-time. My conversation with #5 about it was, well, I pretty much cried the entire session until the end when I pretty much stopped interacting, enough so he asked me “where I went”. First, he said he would strongly caution me not to do it but then upon discussing our debt situation, he said if I did decide to do it, I should look at it as a short-term thing like 6 months to a year. I’ve had a headache for the last two days because I’m feeling so stressed about it.

We had a visit with L and her dad, stepmom, stepsister and her stepsister’s 3 month old son on Saturday. It was nice to see them and once she warmed up, Widget really had a good time playing with L. I want her to always feel comfortable with them and I feel badly that 6 months will go by between visits, but I still feel a lot of stress surrounding a visit. Mostly because when they are here, I really struggle with why L chose to place and if L regrets it. I feel like I’m somehow denying them something that is rightfully theirs. Not that I don’t feel like I’m Widget’s mom, I do. Trust me on that one, particularly when dealing with tantrums in Target or being exhausted from her constant activity. It is such a mixed up set of emotions when we see them.

I’ve been thinking about asking T again about joining our church or, at least, how he has been feeling about Christianity and God. November 6 was my “one year anniversary” of actually making the commitment to God, so I’ve been thinking about it more lately, plus with Christmas coming up and all of its reminders about Jesus’ arrival, I just feel ready but I know I want T to be ready too.

Have you ever done yoga? I have become a huge fan of yoga and think it’s excellent for depression and anxiety problems. Definetly adding you to my links too. I love your blog.
by reunionwritings December 3, 2006 at 2:39 pm