What I learned
January 27, 2007I don’t do well with uncertainty.
Heh heh.
How come I think if a certain someone is reading this, some chuckling is occuring? 
Actually, I did realize that I’m starting to recognize some of the triggers that start my *fabulous* negative thought patterns leading in turn to *lovely* downslides, which #5 said is a good thing because then I can learn to pre-empt those thoughts. However, I still have a hard time not adding a “but if it weren’t for me….” when we are taking my thought patterns and proving whether they are valid or not. In fact when he tried to get me to say the economy and housing market are to blame for us not selling our house yet and the falling value of it, I said, “Well, yeah, but I’m the one who got us suckered into this loan when I should have known it wasn’t not a good plan.” He just looked at me and said,”Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace.” Apparently, I’m also not so good at actually forgiving myself when things go awry, even when I was doing the “best I could with the information and circumstances at that moment.” Yeah, that’s another phrase #5 likes to make me repeat.
I suspect it goes back to the ideas I had in my head at the age of 5 that something must be wrong with me as a person in order for me to be the one to have cancer. Yes, yes, yes I know this is not the case but knowing and believing seem to be rather difficult for me.
