Archive for August, 2007

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Clear signs

August 4, 2007

I’m having some indications that my stress level/emotionally stability is in flux.

1.  Headaches.  Not as bad as some of the migraines I get but regular tension whole head headaches, that my usual two ibuprofen dose chased with caffeine-laced Moutain Dew isn’t diminishing.  I’ve had 3 days worth with minimal breaks in between.

2.  Widget is getting on my nerves far too easily.  It was actually going along very, very well in terms of my tolerance level with her twoishness.  Not so much the last few days.

3.  More vivid dreams.  Recurring sequences in dreams where I’m signed up for classes that I forget to go to until the last day, then I remember the class and I have to take an exam on a subject, which I know nothing about or I forget the exam entirely, therefore failing the class.  Or the other running theme is having my teeth disintegrate and fall out and there is nothing to do to stop it.

4.  Increased mind-numbing activities like the internet: spending too much time looking at the same blogs, forums, news sites, e-mail inbox as if I might miss something drastically important if I don’t check this instant.  My other new one is crossword puzzles.  I bought these two books of them in the $1 section of Target earlier this summer and what I have discovered is that they essentially use the same clues over and over again with a few different ones thrown in for variety.  So now that I have them figured out, I can sit and do several of them in a row.  I even stay up late doing them instead of sleeping.

I’ve got until Wednesday before my appointment with #5.

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Battling

August 2, 2007

My mind and emotions at war today.

My emotions are playing the “Pity Party at Erin’s house cause her friends are having another baby and she can’t.  Adoption isn’t an option at the moment since finances suck and we might have to file for bankruptcy.” card

My mind is trying to stop my emotions by repeating to herself, “There is a plan behind all this.  You haven’t a clue about what it is.  This has nothing to do with you as a person.”

Blech.

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Shock

August 1, 2007

I’m in shock…

My friends that had the baby 3 months ago are, um, having another baby, quite by accident.  They just found out on Monday.  They weren’t quite as careful as they should have been but they figured they were safe since they had to use multiple cycles of Clomid for their first two (we knew this and were kidding them about getting pregnant.  Guess that’s a little foreshadowing, isn’t it?!?)

I can’t quite wrap my head around it.  I don’t quite know how I really feel about it all since I’ve had a hard time processing their previous pregnancies against my infertility.

Whew!

Irish twins, anyone?