Seeking God Knows What

We got the application today from the agency we decided to use to adopt from.  It is run by the social worker who coordinated Widget’s adoption while she worked at Catholic Social Services.  She has always done homestudies on her own for international adoptions from China but began to have an increase in referrals of women who were experiencing unplanned pregnancies and were considering adoption.  Part of the problem she felt was that the counseling the women were getting was not what they needed, so she decided to start her own program.  I had an interesting dialogue over e-mail with her earlier this spring, particularly after we met with Bethany Christian Services, and it really just confirmed my instinct that she really has a strong heart for women experiencing unplanned pregnancies and helping them get good counseling- not just the usual pro-adoption slant.  She is a single mom herself and knows it can be done.

Here are some snippets (my comments are in italics and hers in caps)

On the decision making side, can I ask what kind of placement rate do you have or been having?

SLOW FOR ABOUT THE LAST YEAR.  ONLY TWO IN 2007, AND ONE SO FAR IN 2008.  WE HAVE 8 RESOURCE FAMILIES WE CAN SHOW, AND 2 BACK UP FAMILIES.

I know placement is definitely subject to a lot of different things, so ballpark numbers are fine.  I’d also love to know how many women that come in decide to parent in the end and I mean that in a good way.  I just think that knowing the expectant moms are getting a good chance to consider parenting as a real option makes it easier to feel confident that a mom is making the decision to place out of more than just “it is the right thing to do” or pressure.  I have gotten involved in the online adoption community and learned some less than desireable things about what can happen during the process.

MOST OF THE MOMS WE COUNSELED LAST YEAR DECIDED TO PARENT.  THEY WERE REFERRED BY OUTSIDE SOURCES FOR ADOPTION SUPPORT, BUT AFTER MEETING WE FOUND EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID—THEY FELT PRESSURED TO PLACE AND REALLY DID NOT WANT TO.

HOW DID THE MEETING WITH BETHANY GO?

All I have to say about our meeting with Bethany was that both Tim and I left knowing that we would not adopt through them again.  Not just because their fees were marginally more expensive but because we both had the feeling that counseling was skewed completely towards “placement good, parenting bad” and we don’t want any part of that.

THAT IS JUST ONE REASON I HOPE YOU END UP IN OUR PROGRAM!

I am glad to hear that the majority of expectant moms/parents coming your way choose to parent.  I know it could mean a long wait for us but I’m okay with that….

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I’m excited we get to start the process sooner rather than later.  Getting a financial gift from my in-laws has been a huge blessing for us and one we never expected, which is part of the reason we decided to earmark it mainly for adoption costs.  It is enough to cover all the fees we should have barring anything unforeseen.  Obviously, if T lost his job or we had a situation where we needed to use it, we would but right now, there is nothing keeping us from allocating it to our next adoption.  Plus with tax credit, we will eventually get much of it back over 5 years.  Part of the reason, we chose this agency was because she does everything she can to keep costs down.  She doesn’t think adoption should costs huge sums of money for the adoptive families and she wants families experiencing unplanned pregnancies to get good counseling in considering their options, something she has found lacking. 

We might have a possible contact in a young twentysomething woman who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.  She is an acquaintance of a friend of ours.  Our mutual friend hinted around that we might be interested in talking to her about adoption.  And while, yes, I would be interested, I absolutely do NOT want her to feel any pressure from me or our friends that adoption is the answer to her situation.  If she can parent, and I think she probably could, though it would mean an adjustment to her “lifestyle”, she should.  Then again, if she really doesn’t want to parent, we would obviously be interested in adopting her child as long as she has good counseling about the ramifications and possible long-term effects of placement on her life.  Too tricky.  It would probably be best to just stay out of it unless I get contacted by her.  Even then, I will probably just refer her to one of the counselors at our agency.